you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
birth control should be required to get into college
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
