What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize