Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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