so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
