I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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