I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
