I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Houston, we have a blender
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
