Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
