sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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