I could have mohawked her pubes.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
