Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
