That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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