I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
It's Friday. Sex?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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