Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm passing your future prison.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
