I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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