Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
