Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You peed on a flamingo?!?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
