Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
pray to the hookup gods
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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