apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize