dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize