It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize