Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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