You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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