woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Holy shit dude........stairs
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
