evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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