I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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