i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
So many bounce houses so little time
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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