How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
