Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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