....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
