We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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