i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
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