you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
