***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
the day after is always just damage control
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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