I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
