I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize