She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
