I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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