If you die in college, do you die in real life?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize
