I want to walk on stilts...naked
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
