We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
