He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
