How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
