He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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