no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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