It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
he fucked my hip out of place.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
