My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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