What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
