Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize