1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
