I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
