i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize