i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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