Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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