All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
