Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Randomize
