All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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