I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize