if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
