i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
