Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
