His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
