btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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