okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
