I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize