What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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