I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Couch. On fire.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
