i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
