I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
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