this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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