i just had sex bonerless
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
