heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
