So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
