i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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