I'm going to rape someone's good day.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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