I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
