Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
she told me i tasted like america
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
This is my gift to your gina
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
The struggles of a small town man whore
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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