its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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