lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
