white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
