My liver just broke up with me...
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
