4 words: hood of his car
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
