you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
